Sunset Reservoir Brewing Co.

 Cold Pint, Cognitive Dissonance & Carte Blanche

There is something special about having a cold pint at noon on a Wednesday with a baby stroller next to you. It almost feels as if you are breaking a societal rule that says you should be doing something responsible like going to work, or at the gym, or cleaning your house. Instead, you’re sitting at a bar looking up at the skylights as the sun shines in on you. Then you look over at 16-month old Chamaca as she is scarfing down french fries while also stuffing fries under the seat of her pants. Later, when I lift her out of the stroller, her pants butt will be smashed potatoes and oil stains. I will find a french fry in her diaper. But for right now I’m choosing to ignore the future, and just kind of enjoy the blissful peace this cold pint is bringing me here at the Sunset Reservoir Brewing Co.

  I've eaten my way through this menu and up, down and across.  The food and vibe here is good. Our family eats here at least a couple times a week. The wings are crispy on the outside, tossed in sauce (your choice of sauce), and still moist chicken inside. House cut fries with chipotle aioli are a favorite of mine. There is just enough chipotle flavor to pop into your mouth and say, “hi” but not so much that it destroys it. Happy hour is from 3pm to 6pm, decently priced, and Chamaca likes the staff. If you like a good beer, I opt for the Pacific Pale Ale, easy drinking with food.  I can give you a laundry list of items to try but honestly you can't go wrong. There is something about the food here that feeds a part of my soul. If I have a craving for a certain food, whatever it is, when it  comes out of that kitchen, I'm happy with it. It’s a pleasant feeling when an idea in your head aligns with what you are eating. There are times when your brain and the real world differ, and that can make a man uneasy. I struggled with this as a father. I have an idea in my head of who I am, but is that really how I am?

When you become a parent, you try hard to bring your old life into this new life with you. It happens this way because you spent years cultivating your identity. Some things make it through, but you slowly start to realize the things you once cared about, become very low on your list of things you actually care about now. This is where an imbalance begins. It can feel as though you're fighting with your mind as your new life unfolds in front of you. The technical term is:

Cognitive dissonance, as described by webMD:

“...the discomfort you may feel when your actions are not in line with your beliefs or values.”

So you see why parents can sometimes feel like they are no longer themselves, because in fact, they are not. You have to change quickly, and swiftly. Transforming into a super parent who shows no signs of burnout on the outside, but inside you feel like a Jackson Pollock painting. Often, these parents will suffer in silence, until they are forced to reevaluate core values and beliefs to align with their new life. Chamaca and I listen to lectures by Ram Dass when we go for walks. He said something the other day that resonated with me.

Who you think you are is not free,

but who you are in fact is free.

Ram Dass

I ponder this quote as I sit there staring at Chamaca trying to snake her way out of the shoulder straps of the stroller. She constantly wants to escape and run free. High chair, stroller,  sleep sack, doesn't matter, she will find a way to take it off or escape. I walked into her room the other day and she had removed all of her clothing and was preparing to undo her diaper as she laughed. At that moment I understood the Ram Dass quote. I took my shirt off and grunted like a caveman and said, “I'm a great dad!”.  By embracing this life, I can become truly free. I can still be some of the old me, but I can also be a loving parent without losing my identity. But to do so I have to be open to whatever happens in the present. You know something funny, I don't mind leaving my old life behind, because this new one is filled with so much family and love that I much rather be here. 

Chamaca has now taken off her socks and thrown them on the floor. She is halfway out of the stroller harness and making sounds of frustration. The bartender sees me getting ready to leave and brings my tab while I guzzle the remainder of my pint. I love coming here because the staff is so friendly to parents and children. Every time I'm here there's always another family here with kids. Chamaca can no longer be contained so I pick her up and carry her with me outside. Pushing the stroller with one hand and holding her against my chest with the other. The stroller seat is full of smashed french fries and that's okay. We step outside into the sun blasting through the clouds and I feel the warmth run through me as she lays her head on my shoulder and says, “mmmmmm”. She is happy and I feel loved. We will make it to the end of the block and she will want to go back into the stroller quietly and relaxed. I kiss her on the cheek and tell her I love her. I feel like I just took a step towards freedom. 

Sunset Reservoir Brewing Co.

1735 Noriega St, San Francisco, CA 94122